he told me I talked like a deaf person
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
