so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
