what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
