Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
