Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
