My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize