I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
