So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
