We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
