So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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