Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
