I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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