Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
