he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
