I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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