just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
