I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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