Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
