i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
