he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize