so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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