Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
