I wanna passion pit in your ass
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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