Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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