This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
