I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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