1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
