I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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