I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
