You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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