Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You had me at "let me see your balls"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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