Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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