I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
