He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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