I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
