Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
