Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
