I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
