He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
