seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
