Plan B is the new Plan A
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
