If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
