my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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