How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
