True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
