dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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