i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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