Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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