Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize