Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize