I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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