I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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