We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
