My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
