It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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