Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
