I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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