And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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