i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
