If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
