susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
