did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize