Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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