I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
