honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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