This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize