sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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