am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
