Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
