I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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